Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Rant and rave 09/28/09

Ok so I know that you are expecting a rant and rave about everyone else and the program, but the person that I really want to rant at is myself. I know that I am responsible for my success, no one else is. the el ed program is good and I have been impressed with it, its not perfect, but hey what is? and its a lot better than BYU's :)
anyway, I feel really frustrated with myself, I feel like I am holding myself back from being the type of person that I want to be. first as a mom, I have an amazing child, its incredible and i just want to be the best for him. second as a wife, I tend to waste my time during the day doing things that are a waste of time, and the house gets messy, dinner is last minute and late, and that is not the wife that I can be for my husband. third is my school. I am going to make a confession, I have always wanted a 4.0, but have never been able to reach that goal. I take responsibility for that, but it kills me that this is my last chance, I find myself thinking 'you shouldn't hope for it, that way it won't be a disappointment, you have always had good grades, just accept that and don't try for more'. its terrible, and then I kick myself for thinking that, because that is probably the very reason that I have not accomplished, because if you always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you have always gotten. I have always been really good at being down on myself and not so good at telling myself what it is that I need to do to become better. anyway, that is probably more than you wanted to know, but that is what has been on my mind, I need to be a better person, and the only person that can make that happen is me with a lot of help from the Lord. well there is my rant, I know it was random thoughts and not very organized, but thanks for listening

1 comment:

Teacherheart said...

I did listen... and I'll try to just say ONE THING.... you need to be gentler with yourself. Here's what I know, for sure: You are in the "Young Mother Senility" stage of life, and look at how much you HAVE accomplished. Look at what you value... what you know is most important. BEing it, DOing it, ... that will all come. Be gentle with yourself... you deserve gentle acceptance. 4 points