Rant and rave 09/28/09

Ok so I know that you are expecting a rant and rave about everyone else and the program, but the person that I really want to rant at is myself. I know that I am responsible for my success, no one else is. the el ed program is good and I have been impressed with it, its not perfect, but hey what is? and its a lot better than BYU's :)
anyway, I feel really frustrated with myself, I feel like I am holding myself back from being the type of person that I want to be. first as a mom, I have an amazing child, its incredible and i just want to be the best for him. second as a wife, I tend to waste my time during the day doing things that are a waste of time, and the house gets messy, dinner is last minute and late, and that is not the wife that I can be for my husband. third is my school. I am going to make a confession, I have always wanted a 4.0, but have never been able to reach that goal. I take responsibility for that, but it kills me that this is my last chance, I find myself thinking 'you shouldn't hope for it, that way it won't be a disappointment, you have always had good grades, just accept that and don't try for more'. its terrible, and then I kick myself for thinking that, because that is probably the very reason that I have not accomplished, because if you always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you have always gotten. I have always been really good at being down on myself and not so good at telling myself what it is that I need to do to become better. anyway, that is probably more than you wanted to know, but that is what has been on my mind, I need to be a better person, and the only person that can make that happen is me with a lot of help from the Lord. well there is my rant, I know it was random thoughts and not very organized, but thanks for listening